What If Pests Made Their Own Wishlists?

With Christmas being less than two weeks away, everyone falls into one of two camps: you either have had your shopping done for a while, or you are scrambling for last-minute gifts for those family members who seem impossible to buy for. Regardless of how long it takes you to find every last gift, it is objectively easier to buy presents for the people who give you an actual wishlist. Now, the realism of said wishlist is up for discussion — we know all about the $400 doll house your kids asked for — but it’s still nice to know what the person is wishing for and what to ideally buy them this Christmas. Since humans have the power to ask for certain gifts and to specify our materialistic wishes, it leads us to ask the question: what if pests could make their own wishlists? This is the question we’ll explore here, as we dive into a world where pests can wish for much more appealing gifts than they probably would in real life. 

Bed Bug — Cozy Day In

If bed bugs are known for anything besides their bloodthirsty diet, it’s living in spaces that are extremely comfortable and therefore quite contradictory to their off-putting existence. They like to live anywhere that is in close proximity to a reliable food source (aka warm blood) while still being hidden from the light. Bed bugs prefer beds for this exact reason, and can hide within every inch of the bed frame, mattress, sheets, headboard, and duvet. But they can also live within everything else in the room, including furniture, electrical outlets, blankets, electronics, and wallpaper. They can go a year without any food and will simply stay in hiding until they find a new source of warm blood. 

Because of their tendency to stay within what we would call “cozy” spots, we think bed bugs would ask for a few different items that will help them have the ultimate cozy days in the next year. Their “big” ask this Christmas would probably be one of those luxurious-feeling robes that make you feel like you’re at a pricey spa when you wear it. A bed bug would be happy with a sherpa robe that has plenty of pockets for all of their spa needs. Some of the smaller items on the bed bug’s wish list would also help them have the best self care days, such as fluffy towels (probably crimson-colored) and a personalized toiletry bag with a few zippered pockets, which is coincidentally where they like to hide in real life.

Spider — Casual Foodie

Spiders are one of the most common winter pests because once they get inside a home, they have everything they could ever dream of in one place. These pests already prefer to live in areas that are warm and relatively dry, so a cozy house in the winter is a spider’s paradise. Spiders also need to live near a reliable food source and therefore are often found near pre-existing pest problems. There are two main types of spiders that invade our homes: web-builders and hunters. Web-builders predictably weave webs in which to lay their eggs, catch their prey, and rest in between feedings. Hunters will hide somewhere dark and isolated, like under furniture or behind appliances, until they leave to hunt for their next meal. 

Spiders are generally homebodies since they prefer to stay indoors, which is why all of their wishlist items would certainly include items to make their time inside even more enjoyable. Since spiders are such food-oriented pests, they would ask for a monthly subscription box as their large gift. There seems to be a subscription for everything nowadays, and food-based boxes are a popular category. Spiders seem like they would enjoy this category the most, so they would likely ask for a box that features all kinds of snacks. The spider would definitely enjoy trying all kinds of salty snacks and remembering their favorites to purchase again later. But the spider would probably be a talented cook as well, so they would also ask for a nice cutting board and an electric kettle. If the spider is going to ride out the rest of the winter indoors, they’re definitely going to want some kitchen items to use for crafting hot food and drinks.

Silverfish — Style & Storage

If we were to take a survey on the most common Christmas gifts every year, we would guess that jewelry would be one of the top results. This is usually a safe gift to get for anyone in your life — provided you know their taste and personal style — since there are endless options for rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. The first pest that comes to mind when we think of shiny things is definitely the silverfish. This critter looks like a cross between a crawfish and a centipede, but silverfish prefer to keep their silvery appearance hidden within the darkness of a damp setting. They feed on anything heavy in protein and starch, such as pet food, grains, vegetables, fabrics, and paper. Silverfish like to stay in rooms of the house where they can both hide and find food sources every night, which is why they tend to stay in bathrooms and basements.

Silverfish would almost definitely put at least one piece of jewelry on their wish list. After all, a silvery pest needs to shine! It would probably wish for something that is both stylish and sentimental, so the silverfish would ask for a custom name necklace. There are all kinds of options from small shops and large-name jewelers, so the necklace can be completely customized based on the person’s preference of font, coloring, and size. Silverfish would ask for a custom necklace that says “silverfish” in simple lettering, is completely silver (obviously), and is a shorter length to avoid getting it caught while the pest is scavenging. Silverfish would be all about the accessories this Christmas, so their smaller wishes would be a simple jewelry box and a knit beanie. The small jewelry box would be just enough to hold all of their jewelry, while the gray beanie would keep them warm during their nighttime adventures in the otherwise cool rooms. 

Beetle — Easy Listening

Most trends seem to be a never-ending loop: when they go out of style, it’s only a matter of time until they come back around. Such is the case with record players and vinyl collections. Music is easier to access than ever before due to streaming, but there is still something so fun yet comforting while listening to a record. There are more and more artists choosing to release their new albums on vinyl to appeal to these collectors, which makes us think of just how large of a group beetles are. Hundreds of thousands of beetles exist in the world, with new species always being discovered. If you find a random insect in your yard, there is a good chance that it’s a beetle. The specific diets, habitats, and appearances of beetles vary greatly with the species since it’s such a large group. In general, beetles eat plants, wood, or fruit, and prefer to live near gardens or water sources. 

Beetles come in all shapes and sizes, with some being more appealing to us than others. Just compare a ladybug to a dung beetle and it’s easy to see how diverse of a group these insects are. Speaking of diverse opinions, music taste is such a subjective category in our lives and therefore would fit well with beetles if they had the chance to enjoy it. They would likely wish for a record player and a few of their favorite albums on vinyl. Since beetles would probably take their music-listening seriously, they would ask for a nice record player with built-in speakers and different settings. The beetle would look forward to building up their vinyl collection over the years, which will end up being a wide variety of genres since they couldn’t choose a favorite. Their smaller wishes would be for items to make their listening experience even more enjoyable and relaxed, like a box of their favorite chocolates and a wearable blanket. Just because beetles would enjoy jamming to their favorite music doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy relaxing every once in a while!

Termite — Relaxed Gamer

As much as we would like for them to, termites don’t take a vacation for any holiday. These pests are constantly expanding their intricate tunnels, caring for their queen, and eating through fresh wood. In fact, they don’t even take the time to sleep! Termite queens lay millions of eggs in their lifetimes in order to grow their colonies at an alarming rate, which means that an infestation will get significantly worse every day that it is left untreated. They prefer to invade wood that is natural and moisture-damaged because it’s easier on their sharp mandibles. Termites don’t have time for hobbies in their real lives, but if they did, we think they would enjoy something mentally-stimulating like video games. There are countless genres of video games, so termites would have all kinds of options for their first games. 

In this fictional world, termites would be all in on wishing for hobby items this Christmas. Their main gift on the carefully-crafted wishlist they create would be some kind of video game system and the basic accessories. Termites would also ask for a few games to start their collection, but they wouldn’t be picky with the actual games themselves. They would just be excited to play their new games with the person who gave them the system, since termites are definitely not solitary creatures. These pests would also ask for smaller items to make their gaming experience more comfortable. A weighted blanket and platform slippers would make the termites quite happy as they return to their favorite games day after day — well, after their seemingly unending work is finished, of course.

The Best Gift Is Pest Treatments From Green Pest Services

Pest control services may not be a gift you can wrap and put under the tree, but it is definitely one of the best things you can give yourself this year. At Green Pest Services, we understand the importance of a pest-free home in any season, which is why our experienced technicians provide services all year long. We deliver both preventative and responsive services in order to solve each pest problem in its current stage. After inspecting the property for all signs of pest activity, our highly-trained team creates a customized treatment plan to solve each specific issue as efficiently and safely as possible. We will never leave a pest problem unsolved. All of our services come with a 100% satisfaction guarantee, so if you find any lingering pests after a service, we will return for a free re-treatment as soon as possible. Tis the season for reliable pest control, so contact us today for a free quote on our dedicated team’s thorough services!

Citations

Beetles (Coleoptera). (n.d.). Smithsonian Institute. Retrieved December 11, 2023, from https://www.si.edu/spotlight/buginfo/beetle