What If Pests Had High School Superlatives?

One of the best parts of getting a yearbook in high school was finding out who was top-voted in each superlative category. These exaggerated descriptions were just fun ways to describe the personalities of your classmates with some classic categories that have been used for decades. It was also a sort of popularity contest, since basically all of the winners were at least decently known around school as they got the most votes. With this in mind, we asked the question: what if some of the most popular insects had superlatives? Here is our idea of what classic category each insect would land in and why, based on nothing but our opinions and basic knowledge of these real life pests. 

Life of the Party – Mosquitoes 

While mosquitoes are definitely annoying to us, they seem like they would be the life of the party among the insect world. They are popular in terms of how many people one mosquito can visit alone. Even though only female mosquitoes bite, and even then it isn’t every day, it seems like every backyard party and neighborhood walk in the spring and summer is joined by these pests. They’re small, but mosquitoes make their presence known as soon as they find an unsuspecting warm-blooded mammal. One classic saying goes something like “bad press is still good press,” and a gathering of people who are complaining about their new mosquito bites is definitely giving attention to these party-crashers. A mosquito at school would be known by every insect there, and no class party would be complete without the mosquito showing up to jump into the dance circle or hype up the crowd. 

Most Likely to Become President – Termites

If any small creature would be voted as likely to successfully run for office, it would be the termite. They are intelligent, hard-working, and care about their colony as a whole. Termites are some of the worst pests to have due to the thousands of dollars in damage they can bring to a building, but they would definitely get things done if they were to be in the White House. They would listen to their trusted team of advisors (also termites) and the needs of the public at large. They would be such a busybody in their office, never stopping to take a break from their presidential duties. This would have been a pattern throughout their whole life, hence why their high school classmates would vote for them in this category. They would have won class president every year that they ran, and would fight to make school life as good as possible for their classmates. 

Most Outspoken – Wasps

Wasps are known for their aggressive nature and defensive stances, and this would likely translate to their personality at school. An outspoken person is not afraid to speak their mind and will proclaim their views to anyone who will listen, which seems like the perfect way to describe a wasp at school. They are very territorial in real life and won’t let anyone who’s not a wasp near the nest, which means that they would be very protective of their friends and family as well. Wasps would know their own opinions on everything from pop culture to politics to sports to the spirit days that the school chose for spirit week. There is no doubt that wasps would be incredibly self-confident and uncompromising in who they are, which would likely inspire some of the more quiet-minded insects at the school. 

Most Likely to Have Perfect Attendance – Praying Mantis

The praying mantis isn’t a common pest, but it seems to have the stoic and focused nature that is required of someone with perfect attendance. It gets its name from the stance that it takes when waiting for prey to come by, since the mantid’s arms are held in a somewhat praying position. It can also stay in the same spot for hours if it knows that prey is nearby, which means that it has no problem showing up where it needs to be. The praying mantis would be the most consistent student, always showing up on time with the materials it needs for the school day. They would take pride in their multiple perfect attendance awards that show their dedication and unwillingness to miss a day for really any reason. It also seems like it would be a pretty quiet student who at least looks like they’re paying attention in class. They would have a small group of friends who may not be as consistently present as them, but the praying mantis wouldn’t mind since they stay in their lane and do what’s asked of them without complaint. 

Biggest Flirt – Fireflies

Fireflies are also not a major pest, but they do make their presence known with their natural lights that serve different purposes. They are bioluminescent, which means that they naturally glow or produce lights from their bodies. Fireflies flash their lights to either ward off predators or attract mates, depending on the light pattern and environment. Because of this, they would definitely be seen as massive flirts at school. They would make a big show out of asking their boyfriends or girlfriends to the school dances, poster board signs and all. They would also go all out for prom and consistently be the best dressed at the venue. Fireflies would seem like they are always in a relationship because of how attractive they are to others in both appearance and personality. If there is anyone who can sweep teens off their feet in the hallways between classes, it would be adolescent fireflies. 

Most Likely to be on a Reality Show – Fleas

Fleas in real life are major family insects. They land on a warm-blooded host, lay thousands of eggs, and live with their family on the host until they’re treated or somehow die off. Fleas typically don’t jump from dog to dog like the stereotype says, so they will stay on the same host as long as they still enjoy the blood. Fleas at high school would be all about the drama. They would constantly be in their massive group of friends, talking about everything and everyone and somehow know all of the details. Their classmates would vote for them in this category since fleas would be caught up on all of the trends and tea, and would absolutely freak out if they got the chance to be on their favorite reality shows. They would be very interesting and not live like normal students, so they would be perfect for this category. Fleas would live for the drama, especially in people who they don’t normally talk to, and this would translate into their future as the next fan-favorite reality show star. 

Most Likely to Succeed – Spiders

A spider is the outlier as an arachnid on this list, but we grouped them in since they are still common pests. Spiders are very self-sufficient and ingenious in their day-to-day lives, which helps them repeatedly get the upper hand against most types of insects. Most spiders have the ability to spin webs, which they can do with impressive speed and attention to detail. At school, they would always have their homework done on time and study for tests well ahead of time, since nothing catches them by surprise. Basically, their planner would be their life. Spiders have the natural tools to easily catch and kill their prey, and a spider at school would never meet a situation that they weren’t prepared for. Classmates would look to the spider for guidance and inspiration on how to be a better student, and would check social media after graduation to see where the spider goes in life and how they will succeed later. 

Most Likely to be Late for Class – Bed Bugs

Bed bugs can be found anywhere: beds, couches, curtains, suitcases, wallpaper, baseboards and electrical switch plates. But their favorite is, unsurprisingly, the bed because of its reliable source of blood from us. Using this stereotype, bed bugs would be voted in this category because – you guessed it – they always sleep in. It doesn’t matter what kind of obnoxious alarm clock or uncomfortable environment they sleep in; bed bugs would be consistently late to class in the morning. They would not be fazed by getting detention anymore, since they practically live in there due to the amount of late slips they have. They would live in sweatshirts and jeans at school, since that’s the first outfit they can find to throw on before running out the door to not be too late. It’s not that bed bugs gave up on school; they really do try when they show up. But they have the unfortunate blessing of being a heavy sleeper who needs at least 10 hours of sleep per night if they are to function relatively well the next day. 

Class Clown – Flies

Flies are one of the most annoying pests because of their tendency to land on our food like they own the place. They also can’t take a hint as they buzz around our heads while we desperately swat at them, trying to get a moment of peace. Flies would be the typical class clown, always being first to make a joke in the hopes of getting the whole class to laugh. They would find the humor at every turn of a school day, including the lessons, breaks, activities, and teachers’ eccentric personalities. Flies would be friendly with everyone, no matter how popular or outgoing they are. They would find a friend in every student and not leave them alone until the fly successfully made them laugh. The teachers wouldn’t always find them funny, and flies would be sent out to the hallway to “think about what they did” more often than they may admit, but that wouldn’t stop them from continuing to joke about anything and everything. 

Most Likely to be a Motivational Speaker – Centipedes

Did you know that real centipedes don’t have exactly one hundred legs? They actually have anywhere from 15 to 177 pairs of legs, and use their antennae to detect their prey as they erratically move around the ground. Centipedes at high school would definitely be the type of person that could realistically become a motivational speaker in their lifetime. They would be a go-getter, always pushing themselves and their friends to do their best in everything. They would be a part of multiple clubs and sports (track is their favorite), and would never meet a student that they didn’t inspire. Some of the more quiet teens might be afraid of the centipedes because of how driven and successful they are, but they would greatly relax once they got to know them better. There is no doubt from the school’s population that centipedes will continue their success into their adult life, and would never become too big for their britches since they would continue inspiring the masses to go after their dreams in life. 

Most Likely to be on the Cover of a Magazine – Bees

Bees are the best pollinators around, and continue to make our flowers thrive to this day due to their dedicated pollinating and gathering. They are also one of the less scary pests appearance-wise, due to the fuzzy stripes of the bumblebee and the noticeable color pattern of the honeybee. In high school, bees would consistently be the best dressed students there. They would look like they went straight from a photoshoot to math class, and could pull off any outfit. They are the pros when it comes to finding the best deals on great clothes at any store, from thrifting to the mall to online shopping. But this wouldn’t make them stuck-up or unreachable in any way. Bees would be more than happy to tell anyone where they purchased their clothes and how to style even the most basic of pieces. They also wouldn’t think any less of students with a lesser fashion sense. Bees would just enjoy dressing up for themselves, making them the clear choice for this category. 

Most Athletic – Ants

Ants are some of the strongest insects out there, especially when you look at their size compared to the weight of the food they carry. Ants can carry objects about 5,000 times their own weight, and can handle even more when they work as a team to lift larger food items. Ants in high school would be the quintessential student athlete that has every college in the area constantly making them offers. They would play multiple sports, at least one for each season, and would naturally excel at all of them. Ants would still work hard, but they would have a large amount of natural talent elevating them above many of the other athletes. They would constantly get their name in the local newspaper for their impressive sports stats, and would be the star of every team they’re on. And there would be no off days with ants; you could find them in the gym, lifting weights and doing cardio consistently enough to build up an impressive amount of muscle for their young age. 

 

Most Likely to Solve Your Pest Problems – Green Pest Services

Okay, this one isn’t an insect. But our pest control team is here and ready to tackle any pest issue, like the highlighted tackle of the homecoming football game. Contact us at any time to learn more about how we can provide you with a pest-free home, no matter the season of the year or season of life.